6月14日從薩爾瓦多飛往洛杉磯及台北的飛機上，一路上我無法入睡，因為無名的「台灣機制」不斷衝向我。
台灣、我母親的土地，因為我太了解她，我完全可以預期「最真誠的」台灣文化下的關心會聽到什麼問候語，「該去上班了吧！」、「工作找的怎麼樣？」、「應該已經get over with the pain了吧！」。眼神裡面還是會帶著「可憐的孩子，希望他已經好多了！」﹔
其實上面的那些有點惱人的必考題都已經在100天裡面，拋開地差不多了。最深刻的害怕的還是，「我終於要去面對那最後一刻了」，想到得進入那個一起佈置的房子，一點一滴地把所有東西收起來，看著我曾經在那椅子聽音樂、看書的音響室、一起決定的紅牆壁，想到我得一個人在那裡呆上半天才收的完，我的心就不自覺地楸起來。
老朋友在國外主動說要接機，他說「雖然你帶著滿滿的收穫回到台灣，認識了很多的朋友，可是我知道，你回國那一刻需要的是一個可以依靠的溫暖。本來在外面等你的時候，我想我見到你一定會哭出來。可是，我見到妳時，妳滿臉的笑容，讓我覺得很替妳高興。」我真的很謝謝他，因為，我想要有人在那一刻抱抱我，肯定我。其實我的心裡感動地落淚。
回到台灣，我必須用我一百天來累積的「自己」能量 + 用「最適合自己節奏」的方式生活，與台灣的「世俗」壓力對抗，我已經不能再「沉浸」在「自己想要」的生活裡，這些必考題的確變成FAQ，慢慢地還是在腐蝕我的「自己」能量，和著似乎不太有市場反應的求職節奏，腐蝕劑的侵入程度愈加劇烈。
儘管，我對冷反應有些心理準備（我想的理想工作機會太少太少）。但，今天我感受到人在「喪志」（因為對很多人來說，離職就是工作表現不好，旅行就是逃避現實）的時候，就會被看不起！。
我今天向一位很資深的長輩請益，藉由過去的合作經驗，自以為留給對方相當好的印象（因為過去常接受到他下屬提及這位長輩對我的稱讚），但提及可能的工作機會，他便先說這個工作需要哪些條件、然後說為什麼那個某某沒有那個條件卻可以做。我突然體悟，原來，當與自身利益相關時…他的評價最真實。
我當下其實頂難過的，畢竟還是某種程度的否定。但這一百天來，我想通我最有價值的地方在哪裡，所以並沒有讓我困擾太久。畢竟我當時是客戶身分，那些稱讚或許已經包著糖衣。
同時，這段很短的兩個星期，我也見到過去的長官對我全力的支持「I am so happy for you, really! It is not easy but a big win for you to discover yourself more... Experience the different aspects of the life and confirm what you really want now. Not too many people make an effort on this or luckily get a right track.... Good for you. And you have my full support on this.」，她馬上幫我介紹工作，讓我受到很深的肯定。
和不少過去工作伙伴交手過程，我也體悟哪些是真正的友誼？哪些人是真心幫助你？並且也看清楚自己的實質價值。
其實，所有的事件都是中立的，情緒是自己對事件的詮釋。只有自己最知道自己的價值。他人的回饋是一個事件，我們可以參考，然後用更多的準備面對這個負面回饋，讓自己更好。
背包客們，回到台灣，雖然你的心滿滿，充滿自信如我，期望你們也能夠延續那能量，不讓這些台灣現實價值，剝奪了好不容易建立的自我。
背包客，昂首前進吧！
Note:
I will survive....Backpackers, let's chill-out.....
http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=Xui7x_KF7bY from Youtube:
2008年7月5日 星期六
After the trip, 旅程後續曲
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Hey singing!!
I was absolutely amazed by your various adventures, the momory of which I am sure you will cherish for the rest of your life! I'm travelling to Mexico and South America early next month and your experience certainly filled me with excitement as well as apprehension!
You mentioned the Bolivian visa saga in Lima. Once you'd handed in the docs before heading to Cusco, did you have to come back to Lima to have the visa stamped on your passport? I might have to sort a Bolivian visa in Lima as well. Any advice will be much appreciated!!!
I suppose having just come back from such an exhausting trip, there aren't any more travel plans on the cards for the time being? Hope all goes well in Taipei!
Best, Lu
Hey Lu,
Wow, good to hear that you are going to the other side of the world soon. I already miss there.
Re the visa, I think according to our current relationship with Bolivia, it proved to be difficult at the moment. The other two Taiwanese girls I met, who tried three cities in Peru/Argentina, were unable to get a visa anyways. You might need to give up the idea of going....sad to say that, I know.
Am trying to settle down and fit into the Taiwanese society a bit. Pretty relax right now to put myself together. If you'd like, probably we could hook up for further talk.
Hey singing,
Thanks so much for getting back!
I've asked around and have tried here in london (they do tourist visas with a 30-day validity period which is of no use to me) but it does seem hard to get hold of a bolivian visa by any account. Arh well, shame. I'll give it a go when I get to Peru but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen!
Good to know that you are settling down. It always takes time to fit back in once you've been out for so long. considering you've had a few tough months just chill, at least for the time being！Am definitely up for more chats. I'll letyou know how my south american adventure unfolds.
Lu
忘了跟你說，我發現旅行會讓人遺忘一些事情，雖然也常會觸景傷情。但慢慢的，似乎很多事可以開始面對、開始釋然、開始了解這就是我們一部分的人生.再怎樣砍的路，終究都會走過...相信你一定沒問題的，永遠記得在南美見到你的那一刻，你滿臉笑容，女人的韌性啊...
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